Having A Laugh! I just found this "ad" on Gumtree and laughed so much I nearly choked on my capuccino. Enjoy.

Hello Scotland men - Ditte calling Kisses to James, Brian, Hakan, NF, Steve, Sam, Roy, Adam, Imran, Gary. Andy, Ricardo, Myles, Brian, Billy, Prince, Oliver, Robert, Rohan, Stephen, Dvka - phew! Thanks also to Arturs for speaking in my home tongue, but I am keen only to do English to get good at speaking. Lot of men make head spin - you all sound good honest. My family and friends already here say men very generous to young girls, and not at all fixated on flat tummies, narrow waists, long legs or petite breasts. Pretty boy student help me in London cybercafe, but he gone home now as exceeded credit card limit in Sock Shop and Currys Digital, so now must struggle on in Edinburgh alone with nasty English on borrowed laptop from manager of Easyeverything. He keeps smiling at me, and inviting me to back office for coffee and pastry - people are so nice here!

Was crying at many answers to my last posting, am going to be learning typing at secretarial college here , but my long red nails make it difficult to go fast, hence delay - sorry, but too many men for individual reply. Am still reviewing flood of interest to make choice amongst crop of cream - you are all lovely. My new photographer friend met in Burger King at Edinburgh airport wants me to model but he say no clothes, so said no as Vogue did not come to see portfolio as promised - his studio too cold, and his powercard ran out for industrial heater.

You are a generous bunch surely all in gainful employment or high savings accounts? Hope you unlike Latvian ex-husband laid off from work as fish delivery driver in Riga. Am now certain Stefan's redundancy will be well spent on setting me up in Central Belt, Scotland. When I think of his crying face at finding empty bank account I feel sad, but know this will help him find motivation to acquire Heavy Goods Vehicle licence for frozen food distribution business. His big heart was nice, but had hands like rusty shovel make my skin rash, and always tearing panties with fingers like trowel forks. I care for him so fit energy efficient lightbulb in apartment before I go to reduce bill, and promise send picture of me in Carphone Warehouse, Princes Street.

When in London Heathrow, a nice businessman offered to house me in his hotel, but he turned out to be only after the bed, and only had debit cards. He hid wedding ring - I don't mind being other girl, as long as your salary aid in mortgage part-payment of value band B council tax property in EH1 or G1, and contribute to the establishment of a mixed portfolio of blue-chip stocks and government bonds. My friends also tell me of working tax credit, low interest loans, and business start up grants, but I'm too shy to understand such things - can you know for me? Am just shy girl in new town looking for male friends.

I am a bit of a silly when it comes to handling money, but in the kitchen can cook up eggs under easy or pop tarts, and if you supply a working grill some authentic Latvian food such as Janis cheese, beet soop or Kringel for dessert - yummy! Have heard stories of Mars Bars in batter - and heroin on street here in Scotland - no thanks to both! Cannot eat much as need keep figure slim for man, and preserve anorexic chic favoured by UK fashion industry, but like cuddly tummy on boyfriends, as long as not too fat to need private commode.

Working in Gyms as instructer of fitness or Dance competitions - they are for me, I have done some fashion model and artistic dancing in Riga for gentleman's clubs, but no touching or bouncer make hospital for punter. Nothing sexy, just fast moves in skimpy panties to Stone Roses, Madonna and Best of Red Army Marshall classics. Have number of girlfriends in both city centres who are good hearted and lonely for kind men to help them, though they may need some with English, as their oral skill not as good as my tongue. I learn England from BBC World service on web, and Radio 4 shipping forecast "Cromarty, 200, falling!"

...and you know how girls love to shop - crazy! I am allergic to artificial fibres, so can only wear silk underwear, fox fur, mink or 100% cotton from Miss Selfridge or Dorothy Perkins. To keep baggage supplement down, only brought skimpy clothes suitable for night club or private hotel room. You dress well? My papa in Riga wore old Denims and smell like sack of peelings after day in fish van, so no thank-you sir if you are Mr Scruffy!

"The best things in life are free - but give them to the birds and bees, you can!"

x Ditte
 

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Richard lives in Scotland and his mission is to please you and make you hot. 

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